The dress does not make the monk…

I remember the first time I was asked to start a blog. I had just passed around an email about the adventures of my best friend with his car. Well, they were not adventures in the archetypal sense of the word, but they still mounted to adventures, slightly skewed towards the Don Quixote specimens. As is inevitable, that email I sent out evoked some good laughs and a suggestion that I start blogging. I think it is rightly just that I share that particular email in the opening posts of my blog.

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Prologue:

Keka buys a new car. A 1993 Infinity J30. His wallet is lighter by a 1000 dollars. It was against the wishes of his friend who advised him not to buy it in haste. But Keka is so dumb-struck by the beauty of the car and its engine, he remarks he would give more than a 1000 bucks to own it.

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The Main Story:

Keka drives it, his car, the first day. He finds something leaking from the engine. The mechanic diagnoses it as coolant leakage. Says it will cost 900 dollars. Keka is shocked. Says he will thrash the car rather than pay another 900 dollars. Takes it to another mechanic who fixes things for cheap and gets it done for 300 dollars.

Next day, he schedules a driving test for his license. On the day of the driving test, he finds his car would not start. He kicks the car, borrows another car from one of his friends, and gets his license.

Mechanic comes the next day, jump starts the car, takes it to his garage, says the battery needs to be replaced and replaces the battery. Keka pays a 100 dollars, comes out of the garage, takes the first turn and oops… the FICAS indicator light (Power Steering Liquid low) comes on. He takes a U-turn, goes back to the garage he just came out from, has the mechanic pour some fluid in, which makes the light turn OFF. Keka comes out, takes the same turn, the indicator light comes on again and he takes the U-turn again, goes to mechanic, who says it is a sensor fault.

Keka goes home and leaves for university. He is returning from university and car stops in middle of road. It would not start, however hard he tries and Keka pays 60 dollars to take it home.

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The Dialogs between Keka(K) and Spidy(S) during the story:

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S: I told you not to buy that car, You said you can buy it just for the look of the engine.

K: What to do? I am putting every penny now just for the engine to work

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K: This fucking car is driving me crazy. It is going to the mechanic garage more times than it is coming to my home.

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K: For some reason, I am able to park the car more appropriately at the mechanic place than at the parking outside my home.

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S: Keka, when are you going to send me SLR pictures of your car?

K: By the time, I get the SLR to my car, It will go to another mechanic garage.

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K: (to roomies): Come on guys, let us go for a ride.

Roomies: Why? Do you want us to push your car back to our home.

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K: (to roommate): Let us go and get some groceries.

Roommate: Yeah. Let me get my cycle.

K: I got my car, no ?

Roommate: Yeah. That’s why I am getting my cycle. In case, I need to give you a lift.

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K is in his car going to grocery.

Roommate is beside him, on his cycle, singing, "Paatha samanulu ammutam… Inapa samanulu ammutam"

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K: Chee… naa jeevitam… Evadaina car driving nerchukunnaka repairs gurinchi telusukuntaadu… Nenu repairs gurinchi telusukunnaka driving nerchukuntunna…

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S: Keka, you loved the engine’s look and bought the car just for it, right ?

K: Em chestam, ippudu paina dabba thappa mottam engine marchalsi vachetattu undi.

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K (1 Week back): Spidy… 1000 dollars car… 1 month lo deeni neechamga tokkuthaa… janalu bayapadali…

Now: Spidy… 1 week lo idi nannu intha neechamga adukuntundi… nannu bayapedatandi inkenta karchupettalo ani…

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K: (1 week back): Come on keker… I will sell this car off to some one for another 1000 bucks… Or atleast 900 bucks, i say…

(now): Please ra babu… nene oka 200 dollars istanu… deeni junk cheseyandi… nenu deenii torture barinchalekapotanna

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Keka’s car is in middle of road… stalled…

Police: Sir, Why have you stopped your car in the middle of the road. And you should have your parking lights on when you park during the nights.

K: Well officer, Even I want to have my parking lights on but my battery is dead.

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S: Keker.. Let me write a short story about you and your car. I want to fuck this car…

K: Please fuck me also… I deserve to be fucked…

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S: What Keka…??? You woke me up in the middle of my sleep…

K: Spidy… Spidy… My brakes fell off…

S: What the ??? What do you mean by brakes falling off?

K; Well, the brakes were screeching whenever I applied them. So, I drove my car onto a highway and braked at high speed. Immediately, the brakes on the right fell off.

S: fell off??? As in, they fell on the road.

K: Exactly… You are a fundooo.

S: What are you doing now? Did you call AAA?

K: Yes, I did. Looks like he just came.

S: Great…

AAA guy: (after getting done with the formalities): So, what do we have here…

K: My brake just fell off…

AAA: What ???

K: My brake just fell off…

AAA: What do you mean by brake falling off…??? I have not heard of anything such in my lifetime.

(A few minutes pass…)

K: The AAA guy is trying to secure my car to the towing truck. He is inside my car. Trying to change the angle of parking so that he can easily pull it onto the tow truck…. Holyyyy… What is this? Now even my left brake has fallen off… The car is sliding down the highway…

S: :O

K: The AAA guy has jumped out of the car… He is putting some stones behind the car and stopping it…

AAA guy: Jesus just saved me… I never guessed that the other brake would fall off because i applied brakes while trying to get the car into a more appropriate position…

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K: Spidy… I am back once again in the garage…

S: Why? What happened?

K; The power steering fluid tank burst…

S: burst? What do you mean by Burst?

K: I mean… it blew up…

S; How can it blow up?

K: I do not know… My steering stopped rotating in the middle of the road… So, I got it towed to the garage and even the mechanic is shocked that the tank is blown… Even he is not able to understand how the power steering tank has burst…

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That, my friends, is the story of my friend and his Infiniti.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall… Will this car ever have a cure-all?